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Big Fat Liar
(Channel Awesome logo and NC opening) NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. (A shot of the following appears in the corner) Paul Giamatti is one of our greatest living actors. And (The image is changed to Giamatti as...) the Rhino from The Amazing Spider-Man 2. (A third shot of Giamatti as Marty Wolf from ''Big Fat Liar (skin turned blue) appears in the opposite corner)'' And this blue guy who tormented Malcolm in the Middle. (beat) We're talking about that one. (The title of the 2002 movie ''Big Fat Liar is shown, followed by clips. "Hollywood High" by Silent Partner plays in the background)'' NC (vo): In 2002, a couple of rising stars were on the rise...rise, Frankie Muniz being Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle, and Paul Giamatti being that guy I knew was good, but I never bothered to learn his name until I saw him in (poster of...) Sideways. NC: Yeah, you all did. Don't lie. NC (vo): So Universal said these two must be in a film together. The...screen demands it. Oh, and fit Amanda Bynes in there, because she's something for a minute, too. And thus, we got Big Fat Liar, an adequately possible hit. Though past my time when it came out, there's a lot of kids who grew up with this movie and seem to remember it with fond memories. Well, I'll be the judge of what you remember fondly. It's time to take a look at this film and see if it holds up to...the okay praises that have been projected onto it. Let's see the film that actually landed Paul Giamatti the role of John Adams. (The shot of Giamatti as John Adams in the eponymous 2008 mini-series is shown) NC: I'm...actually giving a minute to see how many of you guys are looking that up to see if that's true. This is Big Fat Liar. (The movie starts by showing the 14-year-old boy Jason Shepherd (Muniz) who rides on a skateboard to school) NC (vo): We open with a typical 2000s song that, once again, sounds like an old smoking woman has something in her throat... (And this song is "Come On, Come On" by Smash Mouth) Steve Harwell: (singing) Come on, come on, and tell me why you're staring... NC: (sings mockingly) I don't know! I can't haaaack it ooooouuttt... (speaks normally, shaking head) God, music sucked bad then. NC (vo): ...as Frankie Muniz plays a boy named Jason, who gets tripped by some bullies. (A bully named Bret Callaway (Taran Killam) steps on Jason's skateboard, making him fall on the ground. Bret's two cronies snicker, but Bret shuts them up by showing them index fingers) NC: Those two give a look... NC (vo): ...like those fingers have been up them. NC: Yeah, they've been up them. (After Bret takes the skateboard for himself, Jason has to run) NC (vo): They steal his skateboard, which means he's late for school and therefore gets...locked out? (Jason doesn't enter the school's doors as the principal closes them) Steve Harwell: (singing) ''Come on, come on, and stop! '''NC:' (shifts eyes) Uh, how exactly does this work? When we used to screw up, we were punished by being kept there, not by being kept out. (In the English class, a girl named Kaylee (Amanda Bynes) receives two messages from Jason on her phone, which say she needs to create a distraction. She does so while Jason sneaks through the window, but the teacher Phyllis Caldwell spots him) NC (vo): He gets the attention of his friend Kaylee, played by Amanda Bynes, who makes a distraction in class while he sneaks in. Jason: You looked a little flushed. I was just creating a cross-draft. Ms. Caldwell (Sandra Oh): Why don't you read us your story? Jason: You know what? Let's give someone else a chance. Ms. Caldwell: You did do it, didn't you? NC: (as Jason) Like how you did Thomas Haden Church in Sideways, (leans forward) another Paul Giamatti film you were in?! (normal) Okay, that...joke was much more underdeveloped than I thought. It's a work in progress. NC (vo): Muniz tells a big lie about why he was late and dares her to call his dad to verify. Ms. Caldwell: You are lying through your teeth, you little demon. Jason: Call my dad if you want. Ms. Caldwell: I think I will. (leaves the class) NC (vo; as Ms. Caldwell): '''Let me just abandon the class for what I could easily do later. Kids, educate yourselves! '''Jason: (receives a call and speaks in a low, sick voice, imitating his father) Hello? NC (vo): He gives her his number, of course, and pretends to be his father. Jason: (as his father) I said, "Back off, Grim Reaper! I ain't done living yet." (Ms. Caldwell returns, concerned) NC (vo): Our education dollars at work, as she apparently falls for a kid mid-voice crack as an adult man. Ms. Caldwell: You just take your time handing in that assignment. Jason: Thank you. NC: Okay, what did those later seasons of Grey's Anatomy do to you? That was stupid! Beyond stupid! (hears his phone ringing and answers it) Hello? Why, yes. Oh, I'll ask right now. (clears throat) Is there a Seymour Buts here? A Seymour Bu- (realizes) Wait a minute! (Bart Simpson's laughter is heard from NC's phone) (Later, Jason finds his parents in the class who were told about their son's story) NC (vo): To her credit, she does follow up and calls the parents in to catch him in his lie. He's required to write a fictional story and hand it in, or else he'll go to summer school. (At home, Jason gets an idea and starts writing a story named "Big Fat Liar", based on his own stories he made up throughout his life. On his way to turn it in, riding on a bike, he is struck by the limousine of movie producer Marty Wolf, who's played by Paul Giamatti) NC (vo): He gets a burst of inspiration, though, and writes a story called "Big Fat Liar". Must be a political thriller. However, he crashes into a limo on the way to drop it off. Marty: (sticks out the window) What's going on here? Jason: I need a ride. Marty: What, am I running a taxi service? NC: (as Marty) If I did, I wouldn't have made that wrong turn into Down Abbey, Season 4! (Harold Levinson from ''Downton Abbey's 2013 Christmas special "The London Season" is shown)'' That was a weird detour. (Pause) Why was I the- (Marty gives Jason a ride) NC (vo): Giamatti plays Marty Wolf, a Hollywood producer who's made some stinkers in the last few years. Jason: You have made some stinkers in the last few years. Marty: Yeah, well, everyone has a dry spell, Ebert. NC: (as Marty) I get good reviews by dropping critic names in my movies, though- (normal, as the screenshot of Roger Ebert's review of this movie, which actually got three stars, appears) Aaaaaah... Marty: All it takes is one hit to get you back on top. Jason: Yeah, that's what I'm counting on with this story I'm handing in. Marty: Oh, really? Why don't you tell me more about that? (makes a weird face and sound out of nowhere) NC: Even for a self-centered jerk, that's a weird move. (That moment is replayed) NC (vo): That's like showing someone you don't care by saying... NC: Tell me more about your story... (abruptly turns back to a pie photo) PIE! NC (vo): Giamatti actually shares some tips on how to be a better liar, because, you know, he's from Hollywood, as he drops him off at the school. Marty: (speaks in a hammy voice) Now get out! I got a movie to produce! NC: (as Marty) Sorry, I just did two movies with Jim Carrey. He's still rubbing off on me! (shakes the dust off his jacket) (In a rush, Jason accidentally forgets his essay in the limo upon arriving to school. Marty looks in the paper) NC (vo): Muniz drops his paper, though, and Giamatti reads it in the car, cutting to the next logical scene... (Cut to show Jaleel White at the movie shooting, where he plays a cop talking to his chicken companion, who is also wearing a police uniform) NC (vo): ...Steve Urkel talking to a chicken as a cop. White: (as a cop, to a chicken) Shut the heck up! You talk way too much! (NC is confused. He sees a fishing hook with a worm hanging from above) NC: Okay, I'll bite. (grabs a hook) How does this happen? (It's revealed the movie is produced by Marty, and he gets into an argument with White) NC (vo): Oh, it's a movie set Giamatti is on. NC: Well, that's your first big mistake. All I'm gonna be thinking about throughout the rest of the movie is what the hell was that goddamn Urkel chicken movie about! NC (vo): Giamatti doesn't get on with this big star, as- NC: (as a shot of the "chicken cop" appears next to him) Still trying to figure out the plot to it, aren't you? I am! NC (vo): Giamatti doesn't get along with this big star, as he keeps calling him Urkel. Marty: I did not tell you to stop acting, Urkel! White: Wolf, how many times have I told you not to call me Urkel? NC: (as White) Call me Sonic. Sonic! (Marty and White walk around the movie set) NC (vo): I'm not gonna lie, I kind of love Jaleel White in this role. It's brief, but it's pretty goddamn funny. White: I'm gettin' nothing from the chicken, that's the problem, okay? He just sits there with his head off, slumped over. I have absolutely no idea what my motivation is. NC: (as White) I get more motivation acting in (logo of...) Scooby-Doo and Guess Who! 2019, look it up. (Meanwhile, at the school, Jason realizes his essay is missing and explains what happened, but his parents and Caldwell do not believe him, and he is sent to summer school to repeat English) NC (vo): Meanwhile, it looks like Muniz doesn't get his paper in, so he's sent to summer school, taught by a wide-angle lens with a guy stuck in it. (Just as said, we're shown an English teacher very close to the camera) Teacher (Ted Rooney): W-I-L-I... (The bully from before (Bret), who's sitting next to Jason, snores) NC: This looks like... NC (vo): ...a 90s commercial before the product is shown. NC: You know, the part where adults don't understand? (Later, Jason and Kaylee see a preview in a movie theater for a film produced by Wolf Pictures titled ''Big Fat Liar)'' NC (vo): Muniz goes to a movie theater and sees a trailer for the story he wrote. He's so angry, he literally floats out of his seat. (Recognizing that the movie had been plagiarized from his essay, Jason stands up in awe...or rather, he is raised from a platform) Trailer Announcer: Big Fat Liar. NC: (as Pennywise from ''[[IT|It (1990)]])'' They float, Frankie! They all float! NC (vo): I guess this is clever, but all I can think about is (An arrow points to a woman sitting in the front row) some moviegoer's feeling Frankie Muniz's junk creep up on her head. NC: (as Jason) Whoa, whoa, hey! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! You just got in the way of my symbolic gesture. What do you mean, you've heard that one before? (Jason tries to convince his parents his essay was stolen, but they again don't believe him. He goes to Kaylee's house and discovers she is helping Bret with his English) NC (vo): He tells his folks about the idea being stolen, but they don't believe him because of all his lying in the past. He goes to Kaylee, who's busy tutoring the bully who took his skateboard. Bret: Bet you wish you still had your skateboard, huh, Shepherd? Jason: Let's see. Fully-developed brain. Skateboard. I think I'll take the brain. Bret: But I have your skateboard. NC: ...That is some of the most perfectly written dialogue ever. It's perfect. I just wanted to point that out. NC (vo): He asks Kaylee to come with him to LA to get revenge, but she has to stay with her senile grandma. So they send in the bully dressed as her, as they promise to do all his summer school homework. (Bret, wearing Kaylee's clothes, comes to the door to meet Kaylee's grandmother, played by Sparkle (Rachel Glusman)) Bret: (not even attempting to mimic the voice) It's just Kaylee, Grandma. Grandma: You can't be Kaylee. You've grown so tall. NC (vo): They do...very little to make him seem like anyone else, and... NC: (smiling) ...It's kind of amazing! Bret: I'm benching, like, 220, 230. (laughs) Grandma: Good for you! (They hug as Jason and Kaylee leave) NC (vo): It takes a lot of work to be that lazy. I salute your creativity of bullshit. (Jason and Kaylee arrive in Los Angeles in a plane. In an airport, they meet a limo driver and struggling actor Frank Jackson, played by Donald Faison, searching for Mr. Stroog) NC (vo): They make it to LA and come across Turk from Scrubs as a limo driver. Jason: Hi. I'm Mr. Stroog. Frank: Just...you're kind of young to be the biggest fur coat distributor of the Midwest, you know. Jason: It's a family business. Frank: Okay. NC: (as Frank) I wonder if this is how I lost the other every job I ever had. (Frank drives Jason and Kaylee in a limo, as they raise the roof and gaze upon the palm trees and ride into a Wolf Pictures studio, which is located in Universal Studios) NC (vo): But this isn't an LA movie without limo ceilings opening up and fish-eye lenses of palm trees! Oh, and did Universal make this? (The "Universal Studios Hollywood" logo is shown) Wizard that shit! Tram Guide: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. This is Ron, your driver, and I am Arthur, your tour guide. NC: But will they play (speaks in unison with the clip of the sign-up worker from ''The Wizard ''saying...) Ninja Gaiden? Hai! (Jason and Kaylee walk through the busy and crowded Universal Studios) NC (vo): 'So they get out of the bus and try to find Giamatti's office. ''(A camera close-up reveals an alien actor hugging a giant chicken statue, as NC sounds creeped out) ''What the hell's going on here?... Either that extra's trolling us, or he was given very strange direction. ''(Cut briefly to show the earlier chicken cop) ''Don't we have enough weird chicken shit in this movie? ''(As Jason and Kaylee walk through the studio, they notice three gorilla actors all wearing pink wigs and tutus, and black top hats) 'NC: '''Don't smile at that. '''NC (vo): '''Uma Thurman was sweating in one of those for ''Batman & Robin. (Two images of Poison Ivy's gorilla costume from ''Batman & Robin are shown)'' 'NC: '''That should have been burned for so many reasons! ''(Jason and Kaylee arrive at Marty Wolf's studio office and attempt to sneak past the receptionist) '''NC (vo): '''They locate his office, but have to find a way to sneak in. '''Jason: '''Help me out. '''Kaylee: '''No. '''Jason: '''Help me out. '''Kaylee: '''No! '''Jason: '''Help me out. '''Kaylee: '''No! '''Jason: '''Help me out. '''Kaylee: '''No! '''Jason: '''Help me out. '''Kaylee: '''Okay. '''Jason: He...oh. NC: '''Bet you didn't know he was on the debate team. '''NC (vo): '''They call the secretary from a different phone and quite cruelly say she parked her car on a dog. '''Kaylee: ''(acting as a concerned citizen while speaking on the phone) Listen for yourself. ''(Jason makes whimpering dog sounds, causing the secretary, Astrid, to become extremely worried and run out of the room while crying) Astrid: Don't die! NC (vo): '''I always give credit to movies that shows kids for the real assholes they are. '''NC: ''(speaking on his cell phone) Oh, your grandma also died saving five kittens from a fire. The kittens are also dead. ''(The voice on the phone screams "NOOOO!!" as NC, keeping his smug expression intact, hangs up. Back to the movie. Jason meets with Marty and asks to call his dad and return the story. Despite Marty saying he'll do so, he immediately uses his cigar and lighter to destroy Jason's paper) NC (vo): '''Muniz sneaks into his office and demands him to call his dad to admit he stole his homework. He lights the story on fire, though, and admits he's never gonna confess to stealing it. '''Marty: '''It's a dog-eat-dog town. We play by our own rules. '''NC: ''(as Marty) In the industry, we call this the Carlos Mencia. ''(Security guards appear and take Jason away) Jason: 'You asked for it! ''(Marty laughs mockingly and childishly) ''You asked for it! '''NC (vo): '''Muniz is thrown out of the office, but that doesn't stop him, for he steals his... ''(Jason reveals to Kaylee that he had stolen Marty's phone) ''...I don't know. Newton iShit? ''(The clip from ''The Simpsons Season 6 episode "Lisa on Ice" is shown, showing Kearney throwing away his Newton after it gives a wrong text)'' I only know it from that Simpson joke...and they look up his schedule. They find a prop room to lay low, and give them some credit. They actually do have props and costumes from actual movies...even if they are just the bad ones. (Jason and Kaylee explore the prop room, as we are shown the movie props that NC describes) 'NC (vo): '''Ooh, that's the suit from the shitty ''Grinch! Ooh, that's the puppet from the shitty Jurassic Park! Ooh, that's... (A large red prop is shown) ''...Clifford's dick. '' 'NC: '''I don't know them all. '''NC (vo): '''They have fun messing around, and even discover the sodas are free from the machine. ''(After goofing around in the prop room, Kaylee looks at Jason sitting on a beach set, playing with a paddleball and having drunken a lot of Coke cans) '''Kaylee: '''What's with the Cokes? '''Jason: ''(extremely hyped up from drinking all the Cokes) The machine, it's rigged. They're free! ''(Laughs crazily) ''They're free! '''NC (vo): '''Out for vengeance, incredibly awkward and hyped up on coke? '''NC: 'Now ''you'll blend in as someone from Hollywood. ''(Smiles and nods) (And we go to a commercial. After coming back, we see Jason and Kaylee waiting for Frank in the limo outside. He arrives, having already known the truth about them) NC (vo): So they call Turk to pick them up, even though he finally puts together what's going on. Frank: I got some R-rated dialogue for you, but I'm gonna keep it PG. I'm gonna keep it PG! NC: (as Frank) Though, technically, that means I could use the F-word once, and, by God, I'm gonna exploit that loophole! NC (vo): He finds out, though, they're after Marty Wolf, who ruined his career as an actor...and not just because he was in (poster of...) Skyline, though, that is reasoned enough...and he wants in on the revenge. They spend the day stalking him to get down his everyday routine, including his meeting with a director, played by John Cho. (Jason and Kaylee peek through the door and see Marty arguing with the director Dusty Wong) Dusty: Birds descending from the heavens, like winged messengers from above, beckoning... Marty: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Confucius say, "Easy does it, Skippy." NC: (as Dusty) Oh, you did not just "Confucius" me! You know, Confucius has a saying about that... (slams the table) dammit! NC (vo): They grab a bunch of props and costumes to sabotage his day, but by looking how he gets up in the morning, it kinda seems like he'll sabotage himself at some point. (Waking up the next day, Marty playfully speaks to his monkey toy in the bed) Marty: It's showtime, Mr. Funny Bones. (pinches the toy's cheek, chuckling) You cute little monkey, you. (makes baboon sounds) NC: ...Took his training from Planet of the Apes very seriously. (Limbo, Giamatti's character in that 2001 movie, is shown) (Jason pours the blue paint into Marty's pool. While the latter dives in, he superglues his headset and puts orange dye in his shampoo) NC (vo): They pour blue dye into his pool and Home Alone all his stuff while he swims. (In the bathroom, Marty discovers with horror his skin is now blue and the hair is orange) Marty: OH, MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!!! NC: (as Marty, while the 1991 clip of Sean Young as Catwoman on ''Joan Rivers Show ''appears on the right) Well, if Sean Young can dress up like Catwoman to try and force a recast, (The clip is changed to the image of Tobias Fünke from ''Arrested Development (skin colored blue))'' I can dress up like David Cross to try and be on Arrested Development! (After a beat, a shot of the article about the 2013 and 2018 Netflix reboots of the show being not as good as its TV run is shown on the left as NC speaks normally) Actually, maybe that's not such a good idea. (After their mission is a success, Jason, Kaylee and Frank get out of the limo in slow-motion as the electronic music plays) NC: Oh, yeah. Those five steps you took from the car... NC (vo): ...totally warranted a slo-mo dissolve reverse dubstep. NC: (throws his arms out like a rapper) Boyyyyyy! (The blue-skinned Marty walks out of his mansion in a purple tuxedo to his convertible and speaks to his worker, Monty Kirkham (who had been recently called by Kaylee posing as the president's assistant), via glued headset) Marty: You're gonna have to cancel the meeting. And get one of the makeup chicks to meet me at the office. NC (vo; laughs): He looks like Queer Eye for the Straight Grover. Primary colors are always funny for some reason. Jason: (holding out Marty's phone) I'm all over it. (Thanks to Jason and Kaylee's call, Monty gives Marty the wrong address, and Marty arrives in the house where a birthday party of a boy named Duncan is going on) NC (vo): They send Wolf to the wrong house, though, and he interrupts a kids' birthday party, who confuse him for a clown. Duncan: It's the clown! Let's hurt him! (All the kids in the house yell and rush to Marty) Marty: Excuse me, si- (gets trampled) NC: (smiling) Again, embracing asshole children. (Marty fights them off) NC (vo): It's even better when the adults start attacking the kids. Marty: Come on, four-eyes, huh?! (Duncan climbs up the stairs and jumps on Marty. The clip from ''The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers ''is shown) Theoden: What can men do against such reckless hate? (Returning to his convertible, Marty finds out the car is hijacked) NC (vo): He escapes, though, only to find his car has been tampered with, and every button does the opposite of what he wants. (Frank's limo drives up, and Jason opens the window) Jason: Hey, Marty, I like your new coloring. It works for you. Marty: You did this?! Jason: Yep, and it can end anytime. All you have to do is make one phone call to my dad. NC: (as Jason, menacingly) Oh, and also, if you ever want to see your five-year-old son again, you'll do as we say! Oh, yeah. We play dark. (Marty eventually starts up his car, but bumps into a monster truck that belongs to the bulk wearing sunglasses. The said bulk flattens Marty's convertible, and the latter has to ride in a tow truck) NC (vo): He accidentally crashes into a Street Fighter character, who gets pissed off and runs his car over. Truck Driver: They told me to pick up a blue car. (Smiles) They didn't say anything about a little blue man. (He chuckles. Marty gives a forced smile) NC (vo; as a truck driver): Well, that's my line. I said it, and I'm proud. (Meanwhile, we are shown the red carpet premiere of the movie Jaleel White was starring in, ''Whitaker and Fowl)'' NC (vo): He has to cancel his big meeting and show up to the premiere of that Urkel chicken movie. (The character poster for ''Quest for Camelot ''that features Bladebeak the chicken is shown) ''No, the other one. I agree. '''NC:' It's strange that there's two. (Jason is waiting for Marty on the bench) Jason: Ready to end this? (Marty approaches Jason, laughing evilly) NC: (chuckles) He's looking like... NC (vo): ...an Andy Warhol painting of the Joker. NC: Joaquin Phoenix should take notes! Marty: Oh, kid, you have no idea who you are dealing with. NC: (as Marty) Do you know how many kids I've buried? I'm not talking about careers, I'm talking dirt and shovels. LA, baby! (At the after-party, the party guests, including Kenan Thompson, Dustin Diamond, Shawn Levy and Corinne Reilly, give their thoughts about ''Whitaker and Fowl)'' NC (vo): The after-party brings out all sorts of former child actors to say that the film they saw was total trash. Corinne Reilly: For example, when you did Saved by the Bell... Dustin Diamond: Right. Corinne Reilly: Quality, okay? I-I-I mean, you know, substance, art. Dustin Diamond: Worst film in the world. NC: Wow. That is bad when Screech is dumping on your film. His resume has this on it. (points to the cover to the direct-to-video 2006 film, ''Screeched)'' (The Universal Studios president Marcus Duncan tells Marty he's gonna have to pull the production for Big Fat Liar'' due to the former movie's flop)'' NC (vo): The movie is so bad that the studio president is pulling funding on Big Fat Liar. (The previous scene of Jason and Kaylee watching the movie trailer in the cinema is shown briefly) So they...had a trailer before they even shot a movie? NC: Oh, who am I kidding? Sometimes, a movie's not even finished by the time it's released. (The poster for ''Foodfight! pops up)'' NC (vo): The president gives him one more chance, as he says he has a big secret about the film. (Marty is distraught. His assistant Monty Kirkham (Amanda Detmer) comes to him) Monty: What is this big presentation you're giving about the movie? Marty: I have NO IDEA! NC: Ooh! Sounds like the final production meeting for Fant4stic. (Jason approaches Marty and Monty and offers to help them in exchange for Marty's confession. Jason helps Marty make a successful presentation, convincing the president to finally green-light the film. However, Wolf betrays Jason once again and sends his guards to take him and Kaylee away) NC (vo): 'Muniz says he can help, though, as he feeds him info through an ear-piece. But Wolf decides to go it alone and wins the crowd over, including the president. He, of course, doesn't call Muniz's dad, though, and has them arrested by security, who plan to send them home. ''(At the prop room, Jason is ready to throw in the towel as Kaylee attempts to convince him otherwise) '''Kaylee: '''You're Jason Shepherd. You can get out of anything. '''Jason: ''(calls his father on the phone for him to come to the studio) Dad, it's Jason. I haven't been totally honest about what I've been up to the last couple of days. '''NC (vo): '''Oh, that's right. '''NC: '''It's the third act, and this is still an early 2000s movie. ''(Clears his throat) ''We failed, everybody. Totally didn't work. '''NC (vo): '''We really didn't make it. Gonna spend a lot of time making you think this was all for nothing... ''(Suddenly, Monty appears and offers her services to Jason and Kaylee, while offering to get help from all the actors and crew members Marty has abused, reinvigorating Jason's determination) Monty: 'You guys up for one last fight? '''Jason: '''It's payback time. '''NC: '''Or...not a lot of time. God bless you. '''NC (vo): '''Yeah, they have that bullshit in there, but...it is quick. So, here's your pass. ''(An image of Doctor Claw's arm from ''Inspector Gadget is shown with the caption, "I'll get you next time, stupid cliche, next time!") It looks like Wolf's assistant is tired of being kicked around by him, and so are all the people who ever came in contact with him. So they put together a plan to get him back on the first day of shooting the film. ''(The next day, Frank meets with Marty, who has his normal skin back, as they walk to Frank's limo) 'Marty: '''Don't I know you? '''Frank: '''Yeah, you do. Frank Jackson. ''(pulls out his photo) I was your driver last year till you fired me? '''Marty: ''(sounding eager) Fabulous! '''NC (vo): '''I love the way he perks up when he sees someone whose life he's ruined. '''Marty: '''Boy, the acting career must really be taking off. ''(Crumples Frank's photo and throws it away) ''Bravo, Brando. '''NC: '(as Marty) ''Now drive me to where I need to be, person who has my life in his hands. ''(Frank's limo suddenly seemingly breaks down and stops (actually a smoke machine added by Frank to fake it), forcing Marty to take a lift from Jaleel White. As they drive fast in the desert, Marty becomes frightened by Jaleel's fast driving and jumps out of the car) NC (vo): '''The car seems to break down, but Jaleel White shows up, seemingly to give him a ride. It seems like he's such a crazy driver, though, that Giamatti drops out of his car. '''White: ''(driving fast) WHOO! ''(Marty, realizing he just got himself stranded in the desert, throws a tantrum) NC: ''(as Marty, yelling at White) You're underrated and I hope the best for you! ''(Speaks normally) ''Wow, it is really hard to say anything bad about him. ''(Marty then gets a lift by the old stunt man Vince, who is flying a helicopter. Suddenly, the helicopter appears to have engine trouble, forcing Vince to skydive out of the helicopter with Marty holding him) NC (vo): 'But the craziness isn't done yet, as a helicopter with a stunt coordinator picks him up, but says the copter is gonna crash, so they have to jump. ''(A screaming Marty holds onto Vince as he skydives out of the copter. Immediately after they're gone, a man who was hiding in the back of the copter walks to the driver's seat, stops the engine alarm, and calls Jason and Kaylee) 'Man: '''Papa Bear and the Wolf have left the building. '''NC (vo; as a crew member): '''Hey, how much is it costing us to essentially lose our jobs? Oh, well, who cares? He's gonna feel so silly. ''(At a Western movie set, Jason confronts Marty, who was running to the set) 'Jason: '''Hey, Wolf. '''NC (vo): '''He lands on a Western set, where he comes across Muniz, who's in possession of his toy. ''(Jason reveals he's holding Marty's monkey toy, Mr. Funny Bones, much to Marty's horror then anger) ''I...feel like I missed a page of the script. How did we get to this point? '''Marty: '''Give me back my monkey. '''Jason: '''Come and get it. ''(Marty chases after Jason and Kaylee through several movie sets) 'NC (vo): '''He chases him down to get his monkey... '''NC: '''Again, I really wish I saw that page. '''NC (vo): '...and they ride through a bunch of movie sets because...it was really cool when Pee-Wee did it. (The shot of the titular character from ''Pee-Wee's Big Adventure riding a rocket-powered bike is briefly shown. At a Mexican set, Marty gets swept away by raging waters caused by an effects guy activating the water effects. Marty recovers and resumes chasing Jason, passing by three actors holding skeleton masks in the background)'' 'NC: '''Oh, my God! ''(A close-up of the actors holding skeleton masks is shown) 'NC (vo): '''Are they doing a sequel to ''Batman Returns? (The poster for ''Batman Forever appears next to NC)'' 'NC: '''An actual sequel? ''(The chase eventually stops at a rooftop on a building) 'NC (vo): '''Wolf catches up with him, though, to get his toy. ''(In slow-motion, Marty growls and grabs Jason, causing him to let go of Mr. Funny Bones, sending it flying into the air. The infamous clip from ''Super Mario Bros. is shown, also in slow-motion)'' 'King Koopa: '''Monkey! '''Marty: '''No!! ''(He grabs Mr. Funny Bones off of Jason as they both stand, facing each other) 'Jason: '''So, you admit you stole my story? '''Marty: '''Yeah, I stole your story! ''(Speaks loudly, believing no one else is here) ''I stole Jason Shepherd's paper and turned it into ''Big Fat Liar! '''NC: ''(as Marty) I want to just repeat that, 'cause I'm sure nobody is listening. ''(speaks louder, voice echoing) I STOLE IT! (It is revealed that Marty's confession has been filmed with 12 different cameras, all shown to a large crowd of people, including Jason's parents, Kaylee, all of Wolf's crew members, and the president, who soon fires Marty for his evil actions) NC (vo): 'Of course, it's recorded, and he's exploited for the big fat liar that he is. ''(After Jason thanks Marty for teaching him that the truth is not overrated, Marty starts laughing sarcastically) 'NC: '''Okay...this is an origin story for a ''Batman villain, right? 'Marty: '''I am gonna GET YOU, SHEPHERD!! ''(A defeated Marty attempts to attack Jason, but Jason jumps off the building and lands safely on an airbag, before reuniting and reconciling with his parents. Months later, ''Big Fat Liar ''is reproduced with all the cast and crew members Marty has abused, with Frank in the lead role, and is shown in the cinemas) 'NC (vo): '''Muniz jumps off the building into a giant pillow where his parents saw the whole thing. Look, this movie even got made with Turk as the star. '''NC: '''Yeah, I started calling him Jaleel White, but he's still Turk to me. ''(Images of Jaleel White and Donald Faison are shown) (The movie ends. The audience, which includes Jason, Kaylee, Jason's parents, the film's cast and crew, and the president, applauds. Bret and Kaylee's grandmother are shown in the audience, too, also applauding and hugging each other) '''NC: ''(imitating Doc Holiday from Tombstone) Oh, I apologize. I forgot you were there. You may go now. ''(Meanwhile, Marty (with Mr. Funny Bones back with him, though) is shown beginning a new job as a birthday clown, attending the birthday party of a boy, who is actually the son of the bulk Marty crossed paths with earlier) NC (vo): '''Muniz gets the credit he deserves, and Giamatti gets a job as, what else, a clown, at, where else, the kids' party of the ''Street Fighter ''character. '''Bulk: ''(recognizing Marty) Oh, my God! ''(Speaks to his son) ''Show him your nutcracker. ''(The son yells a battle cry and, off-screen, performs a move to kick Marty right in the crotch, ending the film) 'NC: '''Still more dignified than ''Turbo. (An image of Giamatti's character from ''Turbo, Chet, is shown) And that was ''Big Fat Liar, and it was…big fat fun. (Footage of the film plays once more as NC says his closing thoughts) 'NC (vo): '''The characters are all pretty likeable and funny. It doesn’t make much sense, but it establishes it’s an environment where it doesn’t really have to. It’s like a high budget, well-written Disney Channel movie, except there’s less focus on emotion and more on jokes. But the jokes do usually work, and there’s just enough emotion as the kid doesn’t want any money for the idea, he just wants his credibility returned. It’s such a silly thing in many respects, but it’s definitely a kid thing to do, too. And maybe that’s the best way I can describe it: Silly, but for kids, with even a few good laughs thrown in for adults. It’s nothing great, but it’s just the right amount of goofy for me. '''NC: '''I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. ''(He gets up and leaves. Then we are shown the earlier scene of Marty making a weird face and sound out of nowhere again. The credits roll) Channel Awesome tagline -''' Marty: '''Give me back my monkey. Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts Category:Transcripts Category:Content Category:Guides Category:Editorials Category:NC Mini-Reviews Category:Universal Studios Category:Nostalgia Critic